A mother of daughters

It is now mid-summer and we are in full-on-summer-mode. We are slow to get out of our pj's in the morning, unless we have to get to swim practice. We play more than work, just a bit. We get out the pool every other week (weather permitting). We enjoy bubbles on the porch, chalk on the driveway and sandy hands from the sandbox. Today, something happened that made me feel really important. I know that my girls and I bond all of the time for the sheer amount of time we spend together. But, interestingly, I don't realize the depth of that bond until we are separated. I'm noticing as they grow, how this bond grows so deep emotionally. Caitlin, being the eldest, is connected to me in a way that is hard to explain. I missed her when I was away for a baby shower this morning. And when she was all set to head out on a daddy-daughter movie outing, she burst into tears saying she really wanted to go see the movie with mommy and she just hadn't seen me much today. Oh, how that tugged at my heart. It made me feel so important to her. It made me realize that I remember all of the emotional highs and lows of our days much more vividly than she does. She just knows that she loves me and that sometimes we get grumpy with each other. I think moms play such an important role in nurturing emotional growth. And sometimes, you just want your mom. I won't lie, it felt so special to be wanted. And my saintly husband whisked us off and happily scooped up the baby assuring me that he'd attempt to get some dinner made by the time we were home. We came home to a great taco spread, it was wonderful. I feel so undeserving of the three sweet people in my life. They fill our home with joy and I thank God for them.

Sunday afternoon

It is the ideal moment. A sunny, Sunday afternoon with nowhere to be. We are all home. The girls are resting and Stephen and I are taking a moment to read (or blog a bit, too). I may run over to my sister-in-law's house later, but other than that we will be home today. Home together. Eating, resting and being together. I am reminded by many bloggers with older children that these days are numbered. I am tired and worn out, but I love that my babies are here under my roof, getting rest and creative, quiet time within these walls with us together. This afternoon reminds me of many from my childhood. My parents guarded the Sabbath vigilantly. There was no sports practice, no grocery shopping, limited friend gatherings and TV only in the evening when it was time for ABC family movie night or an occasional hockey or baseball game to watch. I love that I was raised that way, even though sometimes as a "tween" it felt SO SLOW MOTION. I couldn't wait for evening when I could go to youth group or turn on a movie. Now that I'm an adult I CRAVE moments like this. I want to set similar standards for our girls on Sundays. I don't think we'll ever get too into competitive sports that practice on Sundays, but who knows. I want church, rest and Sunday dinner to be priorities. We have monthly small group, the occasional food store trip if we didn't have time on Saturday, and the occasional birthday party, but those are not regular things. The only chores are kitchen related (which sits full of dishes as I type!). This photo is from a Sunday afternoon about a month ago. I love my girls. I love that they are starting to play together. I love their age gap of four years because they both have such different things to contribute. Cait is starting to read and Sam is starting to walk. These are such exciting milestones. We celebrate one year with Sam next week. I may get a blog in after the event to honor her.

Christmas Preparations in Mind and Heart and Home

This photo is actually from last Christmas, 2013 but I don't have access to the few photos that have yet been snapped this season. I love this photo so much because it reminds me of Cait's overwhelming joy and excitement at meeting Santa at her preschool program. I am missing that program this season as Cait has moved on to a Young Fives program that I am very disappointed with. We are prayerfully considering moving her to a different school in January. I fear that this may cause some tears, but I know she could be having so much more and I want to provide that for her. We are all swept up into the Christmas spirit around here...well, atleast the girls and I are! Stephen is battling a cold and trudging through tons of work, with impending trials next week. I am starting to realize that there's some sort of compartment in his brain in which Christmas plans and preparation dwells and he really does not access that part of his brain until about Dec. 21. Now, he was a good sport and even seemed to have fun shopping in Frankenmuth last week and picking out our first ever fake tree from Costco. He even put it up WITHOUT grumbling! I think he just enjoyed how much easier it was than the real trees. We do miss the lovely pine smell, though. Cait basically decorated the whole tree by herself because the baby was a mess all day, so we have huge clusters of ornaments around Cait's eye level. But, in the spirit of Elsa, I'm going to "let it go" and not worry about it. I'm trying to let that be my theme this year and some days are better than others. These days I just want to snuggle the baby and do Cait's various different art escapades with her. I love being home so much more this year, even if money is tight. I love, love, love being more present for my girls. And we are closer as a result.

Kindness

In my parenting journey, I have learned the value of positively reinforcing the right behaviors instead of constantly saying, "Don't __________." I find that I am continually reminding Cait to be kind with her words, her hands, her intentions, etc. I tell her that we treat the people that we love with kindness. I so desire for my kids to be forces of kindness in this world that is quite harsh at times.

I was recently impressed with the kindness of my new pastor's son and I found it noteworthy. I really love working with teenagers and I do hope to do so more as Steve and I get to find our place(s) of service in our new church. But as I observe the youth currently in the church, I've noticed a great deal of leadership and strong, servant leadership at that. I love that there will be opportunities for my girls to be teen leaders, it teaches so much. But what was so noteworthy about pastor's son was that he was able to carry on a conversation with me (and adult!) with genuine interest (he even pulled out his phone and showed me pics of a recent college visit) and he didn't seem embarrassed or rush in our interaction. He showed the same level of respect and patience with a 6 year old boy sitting at the table who offered him part of his lunch. I can only hope to raise my girls with such flexibility and gentleness of spirit.

Being there...

Today I just wanted to record that my favorite part about being home with the girls is that I am there for their most raw experiences. My mother's heart can soar when they are carefree and laughing and squeeze tight when they are hurting. Tonight is trash night and I happened to notice our neighbor (with no kids) put a bike out on the curb that was a perfect size for Cait. I shouldn't have even mentioned it, but I thought we could get outside to look at it and chat with the neighbor. In my gut, I knew someone would swoop by pretty quickly and get it from the trash. I was right. Not five minutes had passed before it was gone. I hear Cait call, "Mumma-" and her voice cut out and I knew it was gone. I rushed in from the other room and Cait's face was buried in the sofa, overcome with emotion. Oh how her little heart sank. I held her in my arms as her tears streamed down her face. She was eventually reassured with talk of a possible future bike purchase with daddy, but in that moment I was so glad to be available to her. I can tell now that as she grows up emotionally, it's going to require that I grow up, too! This is hard work to watch your little ones experience defeat and she's only four, it's the tip of the ice berg. She truly is a tender heart.

Remembering

Since I last posted, we have greeted a new addition to the family by the name of: Samantha Joy Frey! She was born after induction on March 13, 2014 (kind of a fun number combo 3-13-14). She was five days late and I felt like she would never show up! Stephen was amazing at keeping my spirits up as we waited. We took several weekend mall trips to walk out my crazy energy and uplift my dampened mood. He just kept reminding me, "She's coming!" My OB was wonderful and calm and a great, gentle birth coach. My recovery has been so different from my first. Having Caitlin was the hardest thing I've ever done and I think I was a bit depressed because I felt so alone and nursing was very difficult. Things have come so much more naturally this time and I already feel much more in love with this wee one. I had a much harder time with Cait's newborn stage. I am home from work for the remainder of the school year, finding a new rhythm at home with my girls. I love that our family has grown. We are so blessed to have this new little one. It is such a profound miracle to grow and birth and nurture a baby and I feel so lucky to have two. Cait clearly has many emotions to sort through and she has hard moments, but she is so helpful and gentle with her new sister. I can tell she is just glad to have another kid around even if it's a little 2 month old crying, mush ball. She calls her sister "Samanthi" and "Sam Sam" and she says "Aww so cute" about six hundred times a day in reference to Sam's facial expressions, outfits, what have you. It's endearing to the point of almost annoying. Since Caitlin is my main buddy here during the days, in terms of someone to talk so, I wanted to record some of her current interests and funny sayings. A few things about Cait at 4 and a half years old: *obsessive about fashion and creating fantastical outfits/dressing up *is constantly constructing scenarios for play like: balls, dances, weddings, birthday parties, picnics *loving her preschool and will dearly miss it during summer (but there's summer play sessions at park!) *taking swim again (Preschool 2) and feeling cool with her new flower swim suit and mermaid towel (monogrammed!) *plays Barbies, ponies, Calico Critters and is starting to get very detailed in how she dresses them and sets up their little houses *loves to dance and sing constantly (especially to Frozen movie soundtrack or Disney songs on Pandora) *enjoys helping in the kitchen (making the coffee, mixing up pancakes, baking with mommy) and is able to partially help set the table *is very artistic and loves re-using materials from kitchen to make crafts (cereal box houses, coffee can mailbox, you name it...) *started drawing her own people and characters and writes series of letters (mix of upper and lower case), but starting to get the idea that there are spaces between words *enjoys Sunday school most when little friend Riley is there (remembers playing more than the actual lesson) *asks to go out for ice cream constantly since we tried out new Fro Yo place where you make your own...she was in heaven *tears up at least once a day (likely related to new baby stress) *loves walking or biking to the park and is currently into swinging on her belly The other day at lunch she told me: "Mom, did you know that Tinkerbell and Periwinkle wear ripped up baby diapers for underpants?" (totally out of the blue) Samantha is currently learning how to smile and *almost* laugh and the rest of the time she's sleeping or wetting her diapers...ah the life of a 2 month old. We are in love with our little ladies. Thanks for joining us in the journey!

February

I have not updated this blog in so long, I thought I should re-enter this world. I am awake and Stephen and Cait are sound asleep. It is 6:30 am on a Saturday in February. The sound of my husband sleeping is like music to my ears because he has been working so incredibly hard the past two weeks. He had his first official training with work and tomorrow is his first day off in a long time. Cait is probably tired, too, from staying up to watch Despicable Me 2. A movie which I laughed at way more than her, but afterward she told me it was "so cool." She's 4 going on 13 with some of the cute vocabulary she's trying out; she's still my sweet preschooler but she thinks older girls are SO cool and fashionable. Here are the BIG updates: 1) We are expecting child number 2 in four weeks. It is a girl and we do have a few good names picked out finally. This little lady is part of the reason I'm up right now...I was too hungry to sleep any longer! I am teaching up until a few days before I am due, which makes me extra fatigued, but my students are pretty understanding about my needs to sit down or lean on things. 2) Caitlin is in her 2nd year of preschool with a fabulous teacher. Her school is changing locations for next year; moving closer to our house--yeah! She goes to school two mornings a week as we kept her in the 3's class b/c of her late Fall birthday. She loves school, her teacher, her Christmas program and getting to march in the Memorial Day parade at the end of the year. She is a little social butterfly. 3) Stephen started work as a criminal prosecutor this past Fall and he has really been enjoying the work. He never really saw himself practicing criminal law during law school, especially not on the prosecution side. But he seems very intrigued by the processes he's learning and it's a good fit for him for now. It's so strange seeing him get so dressed up for work now that he has to wear a suit everyday. He looks good! Attached are some dance updates. Cait started dance classes this year and it's a great, non-competitive program for 3-5 year olds and they get pink tutus! (her favorite)